


The Radiance that We Lost

by wtfoctagon



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, NSFW, Supernatural AU - Freeform, kitsune eli, makirinpana is coming, witch nozomi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:38:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4983118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfoctagon/pseuds/wtfoctagon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ayase Eli is a music kitsune just past her 21st birthday, living cities away from her family on her last year of university. One night on the new moon, she meets Nozomi, a mortal girl who makes her forget about the cold sense of loss she's felt all her life. Thing is, Nozomi isn't entirely mortal; she's a witch. Whose best friend is a werewolf. Ayase Eli is in for a ride.</p><p>Supernatural AU that kind of spiralled out of control. Nico is the lieutenant of the Yazawa pack when her Alpha mama is away, Nozomi is a mysterious witch under contract to a demon with a mysterious mission, and Eli is trying to figure out why she has a tail when she hasn't lived a full century yet. Including werecat Rin, demon hunter Umi, Vampire Princess Maki, shapeshifter Kotori, and mortal sidekicks Hanayo and Honoka. Lily White are sisters, and muse Mamas are all supernatural badasses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bang Bang Bang

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so. I'm sorry. My ideas are all hammered out but I haven't gotten around to actually writing since school. This chapter is only Eli meeting and making out with Nozomi, and exposition on her situation being a music kitsune while being hard of hearing(I feel like I researched this enough. A lot of it is coming from personal experience as well as lots of research, but please, please call me out if I don't represent deaf/HoH people properly).

The ice in her drink shuffled restlessly, multi-coloured lights blaring across the surface. Another elbow threatened to knock it to the floor as the people around her vied for the bartender’s attention, and Eli quickly took the glass off the chipped varnish of the bar.

She briefly considered turning her hearing aids back up. Then again, what good would that do? The blaring music made it impossible to hear anything in her periphery in any case. It wouldn’t help her dodge the people squirming around everywhere in the dim light. Normally she thrived in loud music, but with the new moon tonight, it was more energy than was safe.

Being a fox demon came with as many restriction as abilities.

Better night vision was a perk she considered pretty worthwhile, though. Every movement in the club was fluid and sharp, as if through an incredibly high quality camera that moved too fast, and didn’t pick up on colours very well. The lights were striking and ephemeral, shifting from pulsing dimness full of movement to annoying, flashing strobe lights and back. The music was nothing but bass impact in her ribcage and faint yelling.

Eli downed her drink and immediately regretted it. Why was she here, anyway? Clubs rendered her hearing aids useless and paying attention to her night vision was annoying. Did she really think that this would make her feel any less lonely than her empty apartment?

A small, vain part of her was hoping to meet somebody tonight. She did come to a gay club, after all. That ended up being counter-productive, she guessed. Most people came here with friends to party, and the people who were alone were probably only here to unwind.

The pulsing crowd of strangers didn’t make Eli feel less isolated and anxious, like she was hoping. Her crazy partying days were well behind her(to be honest they didn’t happen that much in the first place) and she just felt out of place and pointless. With the added problem of the new moon possibly turning her feral tonight. Wonderful.

She was considering leaving when a girl in a snapback elbowed her drink out of her hand and walked away. The glass lay on its side on the floor, unbroken under the stool next to her. She stared at the ice half-spilling out of it and tried not to relate too much.

A pair of gorgeous thighs slid into view. Eli tried not to choke on how short those denim shorts were.

Cold soft finger lightly lifted her face up. A pretty girl with a dark braid smiled at her, and Eli imagined the laugh she didn’t hear was tinkling and girly. The girl leaned in to shout into Eli’s ear, but stopped short. Probably because she noticed the hearing aids.

She pulled back and started signing with her pretty hands; Eli laughed and stopped her mid-sentence.

“It’s okay,” she shouted, hoping her volume level was okay. “I can read lips.”

The girl smiled quizzically.

“Isn’t it too dark?” she signed, and Eli wished she could see what colour her sparkling nail polish was.

“I’ve got good eyesight.”

The girl smiled and shrugged. “If you insist.” She leaned in and smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry to bother you. There’s a guy on the other side of the bar that’s been staring at you all night and trying to get the bartender to give you strange drinks.”

Eli should have been relieved that this girl was looking out for her, not disappointed that she wasn’t hitting on her. A rational person would be.

“Where?”

“Over there,” the girl motioned with her head. “Bald guy in the black suit.”

Eli looked as nonchalantly as she could, avoiding eye contact. True enough, she spotted out of her periphery the man staring at her.

“I’ll buy you a drink and maybe he’ll get the idea?”

Eli smiled. “Thanks for the heads up. You don’t have to.”

The girl laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I never pass up the chance to treat a cute girl.”

Her wink gave Eli a heart problem for a second. The kitsune tried not to mentally high-five herself like a dork. The girl could have meant it as a friendly joke, after all, flirtiness was a genre of humour to some people. It could just be that. It probably was that. The girl was a few ten leagues above Eli.

Eli jumped at the Bartender leaning in to listen to their orders. How the hell had the girl gotten service so fast? She didn’t hear what the girl ordered since she spoke facing away. Her lips were very, very pretty though.

She finished talking and smiled expectantly at Eli. It took the blonde a second to realize what was happening.

“Oh. Just a half-pint Guinness.”

The bartender nodded idly and started preparing their drinks.

The girl waved for Eli’s attention.

“I’m Nozomi,” she said, with her pearly smile.

“Nozomi?” Eli shouted back, just to make sure she got it right.

She nodded. “Yeah, like…” She signed out the spelling.

“That’s a really pretty name,” Eli said earnestly. Like you, she thought, but managed to leave out. “I’m Eli.”

Nozomi smiled. “Very pretty too. Is it a nickname?”

Eli tried not to choke on the reciprocated compliment.

“Yes, for Elina.”

Nozomi beamed, as if being let in on a secret.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said. “I wish it was for a better reason than some guy,” she laughed.

“Same here,” Eli managed, praying that she didn’t stutter. She thought that she should have been doing okay so far, since Nozomi’s smiles didn’t seem pitying or patronizing. But then again, she really didn’t know. She was too busy trying not to stare at the girl half the time. Unsuccessfully. How was it legal for someone to have a smile that attractive? The twist of the mouth, the perfect brows, the half-open eyes-

Eli couldn’t pinpoint Nozomi’s eye colour. It was either green or light blue, judging by the shade of lightness that she could see.

Their drinks clacked onto the bar and Eli stopped staring to cough and reach for her drink. Nozomi reached into the pocket of her shorts to pull out cash(how did it even fit) as well as a stick of lip balm that she applied while paying the bartender. Eli followed the small tube gliding over lightly parted, pouted lips.

Meaning she wasn’t paying attention to which glass she was taking. Eli spluttered on something far sweeter than beer.

Nozomi looked like she was laughing, and Eli wanted to die. The girl took the glass from Eli and wiped away a bit of stray alcohol from her lip with a cold thumb. Eli tried not to choke even further on the feeling of her lips being touched by this… gorgeous creature.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Eli said, grabbing the right glass and taking a gulp, if only to hide herself behind it for a moment. “Just a little absentminded, I guess.”

Nozomi smiled, taking a sip of her fruity drink. “Me too.” Eli saw her mouth open to say another thing, but it snapped shut and her light eyes glared sharply at something behind Eli. She turned her head to look but cold hands folded around her face again and kept her eyes forward.

Nozomi smile-grimaced apologetically.

“Sorry. He didn’t get the hint and he’s coming over now,” she said, biting her lip, looking lost for a second. What now?

Eli downed her drink, successfully not gagging, and took a hold of Nozomi’s hand.

“Wanna lose him in the crowd?”

Nozomi nodded and threw back her drink as well. Eli chastised herself for being impressed. Liking fruity drinks shouldn’t have given her any impression of what kind of drinker Nozomi was.

Nozomi slid off her seat and lead Eli to the dance floor by her hand. Eli was… relieved that someone was looking after her, disturbed that someone had been after her, and incredibly disappointed that this gorgeous girl was only pretend-flirting with her.

For her safety, mind. But Nozomi was so elegantly playful and fairy-like, with her dimpling impish smiles and dark hair that braided down her left shoulder. Eli noticed a small flower pin in Nozomi’s braid as she was lead through the pulsing crowd. The grip on her hand was firm. Eli struggled for the glimpses of smooth shoulderblades through the alley of dancing people.

Dear God. Thank you for backless tops.

One particularly hard shove from a dance, and Eli lost her grip. Anger flared in her stomach as she started shoving back just as hard.

She found Nozomi a few pushes later. The pretty girl was pushing around her surrounding crowd, brows creased and mouth slightly open.

Eli really, really wanted to kiss her.

She reached out for Nozomi’s shoulder and pulled herself towards her. It was the first time _Eli_ had touched _her_ ; the soft skin under her hand made her feel warm in her chest.

Nozomi beamed upon seeing her. Her dimples went into full bloom, cheeks pushing up and creasing under her eyes.

Eli gulped. “Why the dance floor?” She laughed.

Nozomi shrugged, putting her arms on Eli’s shoulders. “I may or may not have wanted to see you dance.”

A small flicker of hope went on in Eli’s chest. Maybe, maybe Nozomi was flirting with her for real as well. She could hope(pray, more like).

Nozomi started swaying to the beat and coaxing Eli along, smiling. Eli took a hold of Nozomi as well and danced as best as she could without hearing the music fully. It wasn’t much hindrance- she could feel the rhythm fine, and Nozomi’s movements did more than take up a majority of her attention. There was nothing but the bass pounding in Eli’s head and the lights flashing across Nozomi’s smiling eye lines and the feeling of her bare back under her hands.

Her heart caught on fire. Eli panicked.

She quickly spun Nozomi around and wrapped her arms around her. She couldn’t worry about seeming too flirtatious at the moment- her insides were quite literally on fire. Her eyes probably looked like blue flashlights.

The thing about foxfire ignitions, they were like yawns. Once they started, Eli couldn’t stop them, or do anything but stand and endure it until it was over, and pray that nobody saw her light up.

They weren’t usually quite so painful. The alcohol in her system made it feel like a raging inferno and flashfire all at once, and she buried her face in Nozomi’s neck.

Eli wouldn’t have been surprised if Nozomi threw her off for being too forward. _She_ was surprised when a hand came up to tangle in her hair, and another pawed at her hip in an effort to pull her closer. The denim of Nozomi’s shorts ground into the front of her pants and it was. Really. Not. Helping.

The fire flared, not so painfully now that the alcohol had all been burned off, and Eli felt a feral impulse scalding her- the thumping bass in her bones, Nozomi’s nails against her scalp and dancing body on hers, and Eli wanted more. She felt deliriously hot, hot and panicked, why wouldn’t the fire stop?

Old, familiar fear came choking through her system. Someone was bound to see light shining out of her eyes and mouth, bound to notice soon, why couldn’t she control it-

She wanted to tear Nozomi’s shorts off. She wanted to run away. Nothing made sense and nothing was going right.

Nozomi turned in her arms and Eli froze. Terror should have been cold, but no, terror was blue-hot and paralyzing. She was going to see. Oh no. Oh no.

The fingers that slid over her jaw felt like ice, and when Nozomi rested her palms on her face, fingertips around the base of her ears, it was cold, cold, cold.

“What’s wrong?” Eli saw her say, thumbs gently smoothing over the freckles on her cheekbones.

Had Eli cried out in pain? Nozomi looked so worried. Lip bitten in uncertainty, brows hald-furrowed, half-raised.

“You just froze. Is everything okay?”

Eli nodded, running her palms over the sides of Nozomi’s back. The fire died and some courage came to her out of nowhere. She leaned into Nozomi’s ear.

“Can I kiss you?”

Eli felt the girl’s chest shake in what she hoped was laughter as she nodded enthusiastically. Nozomi looped her arms around Eli’s neck as Eli lightly brushed her lips from under Nozomi’s ear to the corner of her mouth. She felt Nozomi’s smile tilt into hers, and prayed that she didn’t burst into flames again.

Eli couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her so earnestly, so tenderly. Nozomi’s lips were soft and firm against hers, moving slowly, almost—almost affectionately. Eli felt dizzy. Kind of emotional.

She slid her arms around Nozomi, holding her closer. She wanted to wrap herself in this girl, sink into her and just drown.

Nozomi nipped at Eli’s bottom lip. Eli felt the girl smile playfully and nibbled back, laughing. Oh, she felt like she was going crazy.

Raising a hand to hold the back of Eli’s head, Nozomi kissed down Eli’s jaw, mouthing her way over her neck before lightly nibbling on—

Ear. On Eli’s ear. Earlobe. Nibbling.

Eli gasped and clutched at Nozomi, nails on her shoulderblades and involuntary thrust included, but Nozomi didn’t relent. She lightly tongued the underside of her earlobe and dragged her lips up along the outside of her ear shell. Eli dragged her nails down Nozomi’s back, groaning—she imagined it sounded more like a growl than anything else. The foxfire had died but her insides still felt hot, red red hot and every second more that Nozomi spent on her ear sent uncontrollable trembles through Eli’s shoulders and spine and set a gnawing neediness in her fingers and hips.

Nozomi finally stopped, kissing the bony bump behind Eli’s ear for a moment. Eli felt puffs of breath there and realized Nozomi was laughing.

What a little… imp. And enchanting, gorgeous little prankster.

Eli pulled her ear away from Nozomi’s lips and swept her own in for an insisten kiss, looking for revenge.

She found it in the small hollows on the insides of Nozomi’s hip bones. The girl broke from the kiss in a gasp when Eli brushed her thumbs over those soft spots just shy of her waistband—her eyes fluttered shut, forehead coming to rest on Eli’s, mouth open as she gyrated into Eli’s thumbs.

Nozomi bit her lip and pushed her face into the crook of Eli’s neck, one hand holding onto the back of it as if to balance herself. Eli could feel the faint vibrations of Nozomi’s moan, and wanted more.

At some point during their dancing they’d been pushed up against the far wall and Eli used it to her advantage. No longer needing to balance upright, she used one hand to gently nudge Nozomi’s face back to kiss while continuing with her other hand, pressing Nozomi against the wall with her body. It got her what she wanted—she could feel every little moan and shuddering gasp from Nozomi, right on her lips.

The girl’s hands became flustered in their movements, frantically grasping at Eli’s hair, shoulders, neck, before settling on clutching the front of Eli’s shirt and trembling. Eli loved it. She slid a hand under Nozomi’s top and ran her fingertips over her upper stomach.

Nozomi let out a particularly sharp moan and broke the kiss, pushing Eli away a bit. Eli slowed to a stop immediately, leaning back to give her more space.

“What’s wrong?” Eli shouted, hoping her volume level was audible at that distance.

Nozomi only panted, eyes closed, fists still clenched in Eli’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” she shouted again. Nozomi shook her head.

“Too fast?”

Nozomi nodded, lips quirking in what Eli imagined to be a breathless laugh.

“I’m sorry.”

Nozomi smiled and shook her head again. She was breathing more evenly now.

“I’m okay,” she laughed, smoothing her palms over the wrinkles she made in Eli’s shirt.

“I think we successfully lost the creep. Want to get out of here?” Nozomi offered.

Eli gulped. That playful wink. The way she slid her hands down along Eli’s arms before intertwining their fingers together. The coy, half-dimpled lip bite.

Eli nodded a little too vigorously.

Nozomi smiled and squeezed her hands before releasing one and leading her through the crowd again. Eli made sure to keep close and a good grasp on Nozomi; it was easier now that she was almost stone-cold sober. A fair bit of money down the drain, but Eli was only thankful nobody had noticed the foxfire, somehow.

They only let go of each other at the coatcheck. Eli retrieved her black coat and saw Nozomi wrap herself in a dark puffy jacket. Eli laughed at how cute it was, and Nozomi stuck her tongue out at her before skipping ahead down the stairs. Eli chased her down and out the door before catching her around the waist.

“Hey, hey, hold on,” she said between her giggles.

Nozomi stopped her mock show of struggling and smiled up at her patiently. Under the bright, frost-sparkling streetlight, Eli took a moment to bask in the full colours of the girl she was holding.

Dark violet hair. Olive tanned skin and her eyes—her eyes were teal. Teal like a painted morning sea.

Eli reached into her ears and turned her hearing aids back up—it always felt like unclogging watery ears after being thrown in a pool. The sound of cars and people went from silence to a steady ambience. The music from the club was now only faint bass that hung weakly in the cold air. Eli looked back at the puffs of white breath from Nozomi’s mouth and relished the fact that she could hear them.

“Hi,” Eli breathed.

Nozomi’s eyes sparkled.

“Hey there,” she said, with a voice like the high notes of a violin and guitar strings inbetween major seven chords—like autumn wind and an errant purple balloon in the blue sky.

Music. Pure music to Eli’s ears.

“Can I kiss you?” Eli asked again.

Nozomi leaned in coyly, smiling.

“I dunno, can you?”

The slight accent in Nozomi’s voice made Eli want to faint. She wanted to kiss this girl forever and also listen to her talk forever.

Eli pushed into the kiss, taking Nozomi up on her challenge. The girl hummed happily and Eli just—

 _Oh my god. Oh my god_.

Nozomi broke from the kiss with a laugh that made Eli’s heart embers pulse.

“As hot as you are,” she giggled, “I’m kind of freezing.”

“I live a few blocks away,” Eli offered, elated when Nozomi nodded.

“Perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should explain kitsunes? the kind of kitsune determines what kind of magic they have; river kitsunes can control clear water in very detailed, precise movements, ocean kitsunes have hydrokinesis that's very, very powerful but completely without finesse. Fire kitsunes are basically firebenders, and so on. I was planning to make Eli a thunder kitsune when I found out that music is a type that kitsunes can be, and well, how could I pass that up? there's no type of kinesis or magic that makes sense with music, so I realized that music kitsunes could take up energy from sound and music that translates into raw strength and stamina. They also are the only kind that can heal instantaneously, if they're listening to enough music. All foxes have a form of foxfire they can use as a sort of overdrive mode, but the foxfire of music kitsune's are the weakest. 
> 
> This whole thing spiralled from a what-if I had that Eli met Nozomi and her voice gave her the same effects as listening to music. 
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the long text blargh! I have no idea how I'm gonna explain that in the actual story until a lot lot later so I'm just gonna put it out there. I'll be introducing the characters chapter by chapter- next one is just a short little interaction between Nozomi and Nico when she gets home. third chapter is Honkers, Kotobirb, and Rin picking up Umi from the airport after three years studying abroad. (can I just say how much I love sisters!lilywhite I mean I L O V E)
> 
> The main ship is nozoeli obviously, but Kotoumi is coming. I didn't tag it because I'm not sure if I'll be swayed towards a kotohonoumi polyship, and I really didn't wanna disappoint anyone coming into this with hopes. All I know is that the second year trio love each other very, very much, and I haven't decided if it's romantic on Honker's end or not. And tubahonkers is life but I don't know where I'm gonna fit A-Rise in. 
> 
> Kind of same with the first years? My main ship for them is RinMaki(sorry nicomakis; I love love the nicomaki relationship because gay bickering, but personally I never felt as much chemistry beyond very, very strong friendship) but I'm quite impartial to makirinpana. Again, the amount of love they feel for each other is beyond quantifiable but I'm not sure if it'll be romantic for Hanayo in this universe.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Please, please, even if it's just a few words, let me know what you think, you don't know how much it motivates me since all I wanna do is share this with the community.


	2. Duty Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozonico brOTP gives me so many feelings. This is a shorter, more script-like chapter- I'm not quite sure I trust myself to not make all internal dialogues sound like the same, so I just went with complete third person objective for now. Too bad this cop-out won't last, since I'm writing from Kotori's pov next chapter orz.

Nozomi returned home to a very angry Nico in her kitchen.

“Where the _hell_ have you been?” the tiny girl yelled at the sound of Nozomi closing her front door.

“Good morning to you too,” Nozomi laughed, unzipping her jacket.

Nico stood in the hall with her arms crossed, glare set to very angry.

“Is that all you have to say after ditching me last night?”

Nozomi shrugged off her jacket and the comment, kicking her shoes off.

“Duty called,” she said, hanging her jacket up on a quaint coat hanger.

Nico rolled her eyes at the mint green wallpaper. “Duty called for you to text me after you get the mission done so I don’t have to walk home alone in the dark.”

Nozomi laughed as she nudged past Nico, heading into her bedroom.

“Cute as you are, Nicocchi, you’re far from a damsel in distress,” she said, flicking on the light in the small room. The old ceiling light washed the room with warm light, tinting the moulding a faint yellow.

“It’s _rude_ ,” Nico whined as she followed. Nozomi snorted as she threw the contents of her pockets on her perfectly made bed. Keys and spare change plopped onto a faint tea stain on the flowery duvet cover.

“It was the new moon last night. I would’ve been barely stronger than Cocoro on her best day. Also,” Nico continued, leaning against the doorframe as Nozomi opened one of her drawers. “I looked cute as hell and turning would have ruined my outfi-” She stopped and froze mid-rant and stared as Nozomi pulled off her top.

“Oh my god.” Nico pointed at the hickey on the nape of the girl’s neck. “You _slept_ with her! Oh my god, Nozomi, that’s _sick-_ ”

 _“Relax,”_ Nozomi sighed, pulling on a pajama shirt. “She was completely sober before we even kissed.”

Nico uncrossed her arms and glared as Nozomi peeled off her shorts.

“Bullshit. Your missions don’t call for you to rescue completely sober targets.”

Nozomi walked over to her vanity and sat down, reaching for her brush.

“She’s a kitsune, Nicocchi. She burned it off with foxfire,” she said, undoing her braid and brushing it through.

“That sounds really fake.”

Nozomi glanced at the mirror to find Nico still glaring at her through it. She sighed.

“Nicocchi. Would I really do something like that?” she asked before brushing out the rest of her braid and reaching for her basket of hairbands.

“No,” Nico relented, crossing her arms and slumping against the doorframe. “I just hate how much you have to lie to these people. It feels like you’re taking advantage of them.”

Nozomi grinned absently as she pulled her hair into loose pigtails.

“If anybody was being taken advantage of last night…”

“Ew. No. I don’t want to know,” Nico blurted, quick to shut the innuendo down. Nozomi laughed as she got up and headed of her kitchen, patting Nico’s shoulder as she passed by. The young wolfblood followed with a pout and hopped to sit on the wooden counters of the tiny kitchen as Nozomi leaned down to peek into her fridge.

“You still sex-ditched me,” she grumbled, squinting at the sunlight shining at her face through the small kitchen window adorned with little frilly peach curtains.

Nozomi poured herself a glass of cold water before putting the bottle back and bumping the fridge shut with the side of her hip.

“A tall, gorgeous blonde staring down my shirt was an opportunity I had a very hard time turning down,” she said, smiling into her glass before taking a gulp.

Nico made a face.

“I _said_ I didn’t wanna know.”

Nozomi laughed.

“Meanie Nicocchi. Let a poor, lonely empty nester live.”

“They’re your little sisters, not your kids,” Nico scoffed, rolling her eyes. Nozomi laughed.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“You better,” the wolfblood pouted. “Starting with that potion you promised me.”

“One moon potion, coming up,” Nozomi sang, finishing her glass and putting it down to open her cupboards. The old wood creaked open to various, mismatched tupperware full of herbs and other strange dried items.

Nico watched her pull out a small mortar and pestle set from the corner of her counters and get to work. The small girl stared at the edges of hickeys and nail marks that she could see from the fringes of Nozomi’s old pajama shirt, frowning. Nozomi worked unaware, measuring out various ingredients.

“Nozomi.”

“Hm?”

“It was a one-time thing, right?”

Nozomi froze mid-motion.

“You didn’t leave her your number or anything, right?” Nico continued, hands fidgeting with the end of her shirt. “She was a mark. Part of a job that isn’t done yet. You weren’t planning on seeing her, right?”

“Nicocchi,” Nozomi warned, teal eyes hardening.

“You know I get worried about you. What happened last time was-”

Nozomi interrupted with a dramatic sigh.

“My, I didn’t know Nicocchi was doing so well without the potion. I guess I don’t need to make it after all.”

“Wait,” Nico stuttered, eyes widening. She jumped off the counter in panic and grabbed at Nozomi’s wrists to stop her from putting things away.

“Wait, stop! Please, I’m sorry!” Nico begged as Nozomi shrugged her off and crossed her arms.

“I’m not sure I’m very convinced.”

“I’m on five painkillers right now,” Nico whined. “And my stupid liver is already cycling through them!”

Nozomi idly picked at her cuticles.

“Don’t you have any pity? I’m on my period when there’s barely a moon in the sky! It’s _literally_ hell!”

The witch sighed, flexing her hand over to get a better look.

“What are the magic words?”she demanded.

Nico hesitated at the effect of a witch asking for magic words. “Are you serious. Did you really just-”

Nozomi glared.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I promise I’ll never bring it up again, and I mean it this time.”

Nozomi shook her head.

“I love you?” she tried. No reply.

Nico squeezed her eyes shut, swearing under her breath.

“Nozomi is beautiful and always right and I should never question her judgement,” she rattled off.

Nozomi smiled.

“Better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> platonic nozonico FOR LIFE I LOVE


	3. Small Birds and Tidal Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One-sided Kotoumi angst, but they're endgame, I promise. Rinpana to set up the heavy makipana next chapter and eventual makirinpana endgame. 
> 
> Oh, and uh. really really nsfw nozoeli for a little bit in the beginning.

_Soft, lightly freckled skin in the crook of the neck. Eli bites into it and Nozomi cries out into the futon, fists curling into the fabric even tighter._

_Three, four fingers now, other hand on her breast, and Nozomi is suffocating herself in the wrinkled cotton, panting, moans sounding more and more like sobs, and Eli relishes in the convulsions she can feel on her front, body curling over Nozomi’s even closer._

_“Eli-cchi-” Nozomi is babbling now, incoherent moaning, words being forced through here and there._

_“I- I love-”_

_And Eli basks in the sounds of Nozomi coming undone._

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Eli opened her eyes, groaning, trying to hold onto the last coattails of her dream. To no avail, as she silenced her alarm and felt full consciousness flood through her head like a cold bath. Sunlight streamed through the translucent curtains, lighting the room up off-white and haloing the small dust otes falling through the air.

Too bad. It was a good dream, from what she could remember feeling, a sexy dream-

Sexy.

Eli bolted up and found her bed empty save for her, and the clothes thrown on the floor were missing Nozomi’s. She tugged her hair into a ponytail with a spare band on her wrist and tripped out of bed, trying to balance her way to the living room as fast as she could.

Empty. The coat Nozomi had slung over the kitchen island counter was gone, and only a small piece of paper was left. Eli padded over and picked it up off the polished granite, disappointed.

Nozomi’s handwriting was surprisingly scrawled for someone with such delicate hands.

_Sorry for leaving before you woke. I’m almost late for work! Thanks again. Last night was fun~_

A little heart and x’s and o’s. Eli turned the note over. No number.

The sudden loneliness wasn’t entirely unanticipated. Eli just didn’t expect to feel so… sad, like a child being shunned on the playground. Last night had felt like a real connection to her, like being embraced sincerely for the first time in however long. There was such a pull in her towards Nozomi, and her voice-

That was the first time someone’s voice had felt like music to her.

It wasn’t a mutual feeling, she supposed. Which was understandable. The mature reaction would have been to shrug and move on with the day.

Eli read the note again and sighed, feeling a faintness of an intense sadness in her chest, like the ghost of devastation. She turned around, trying not to feel defeated, to probably put on some clothes and get ready for the day when the door opened and her roommate bounded out, babbling things Eli couldn’t make out without her hearing aids. Eli tried to jump behind the armchair but it was too late. A startled shout, a loud thunk, and her roommate went down.

\--------------------

Kotori tried not to giggle as Honoka finished her story about how she walked in on her near-naked roommate that morning.

“Did you hurt yourself badly?”

“No,” Honoka grumbled, sinking into the passenger seat as she rubbed the bruise on her forehead. “Thankfully I didn’t get the corner of the coffee table.”

“That’s good,” Kotori said, making a turn down the street. “Still, that must have been a shock for both of you.”

Honoka smiled. “I guess it was kind of funny. She was so torn between helping me up and running to get dressed.”

Kotori laughed. “I never took Ayase-san to be the absent-minded type.”

“You’d be surprised! It’s actually really cute.”

Kotori tried to picture it. She’d only met the blonde on a couple of occasions, and while Eli hadn’t been rude outright, she had definitely been a little stiff and cold. Honoka had reassured her that Eli didn’t mean to be standoffish, of course. But Eli only ever interrupted Kotori’s visits with matter-of-fact requests or reminders for Honoka, and always quickly excused herself. It didn’t quite lend to an image of loveable absentmindedness.

She was just shy, Honoka had said. Well, it wasn’t any of Kotori’s business to judge. From what Honoka told her, Ayase Eli was a perfectly lovely person and a very efficient roommate.

Imagining Honoka getting an eyeful of half-naked Eli was still… quite an image.

“Should I go on a diet?”

Kotori glanced over to see Honoka had unzipped her coat and was pinching her stomach through her shirt. She frowned, slowing to a stop at a red-lit intersection.

“What’s wrong, Honoka?”

The redhead sighed.

“I dunno. Eli looks like a supermodel and I’m…” Honoka angrily poked at the bulge below her bellybutton. “Just me.”

Kotori reached over the cupholders and grabbed the angry jabby finger, grimacing.

“Honoka, don’t. You’re adorable the way you are.”

Honoka pouted up at her.

“Promise?”

Kotori waited until another red light to look over at her best friend. Full cheeks were puffed, full lips pouted out, cute light brown freckles dusted over slightly cold-flushed cheeks. She smiled affectionately at clear blue puppy eyes and threaded their fingers together, brushing her thumb over one of Honoka’s kendo scars.

“Cross my heart.”

Honoka smiled into her scarf and squeezed Kotori’s hand as she pushed the car forward again.

“Besides, what would Umi say?”

Honoka brightened immediately, sitting up in her seat.

“I don’t have to guess because she’s coming home!”

The redhead was nearly jumping in her seat and Kotori laughed lovingly at how quickly she could be turned around.

“How far are we?”

Kotori giggled. “We’re not headed towards the airport yet, Honoka. We have to pick up Rin from her dorms, remember?”

Honoka made an impatient noise and started counting the avenue numbers under her breath. Kotori smiled as she drove, turning the heaters down a little. The city street sparkled subtly with morning frost, people hurrying by, bundled like penguins. Kotori smiled at the thought, wondering if Umi would be dressed for the weather, getting off an airplane from a different continent, and if she should have brought a scarf for her just in case.

Umi. The mere thought of her filled Kotori’s heart with anticipation and an anxious sort of affection. She tapped the wheel with her fingers, lightly wedging her nail in a small indent in the grey wheel cover. She felt her chest tighten with each passing intersection. Three years it had been since she hadn’t had to deal with feeling so… small, so anxious. She had become a different person since the day she’d dropped Umi off at the same airport three years ago, there was nowhere for her feelings to fit anymore.

Then again, had these feelings ever been anything but a part of who she was?

They pulled into the parking lot of the dormitory building, slowly weaving past bundled up students on their way to class and rows of frosted cars. Kotori inched towards the building entrance, peering in through the giant glass doors.

Sure enough, Rin and Hanayo were waiting in the area between the first set of doors and the entrance to the building lobby. Rin caught sight of them in the middle of what looked like a gentle lecture in which Hanayo was firmly packaging Rin into a scarf.

The girl grinned and bounded towards the car, dragging Hanayo along with such enthusiasm that Kotori worried for a split second that she would flat out smack into the glass doors.

Honoka rolled down her window and leaned out, waving her arms.

“Rin! Kayo-chan!”

“Honoka! Kotori!”

Rin ran full speed and tried to hug Honoka through the window. Her puffy coat prevented her from fitting properly, and the two ended up smacking foreheads.

“Ah!” Kotori raised a hand to her mouth as Honoka bounced back from the impact.

“Rin!” Hanayo cried out in alarm as Rin held onto the car door and her head in pain. Honoka had fallen back into Kotori’s arms. She steadied her friend, laughing a little, fussing a little.

“Honoka, are you okay?”

“Uuu,” Honoka whined, rubbing her forehead.

“Be more careful, please!” Hanayo chided as Rin held her own head with a grimace.

“I’m sorry, nya…”

Kotori couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“I think they’re going to be okay, Koizumi-san.”

Hanayo only sighed, re-bundling a petulant Rin. Honoka, on the other hand, recovered as soon as her head stopped ringing.

“Rin, let’s go let’s go! We can’t be late!”

Kotori laughed. “We’re not going to be late!”

Rin still yanked open the backseat door excitedly and stuffed herself in, bright yellow parka and all.

“You too, Kayo-chan!”

Hanayo smiled and waved her hands meekly.

“I’ve got class all day, I’m sorry.  I only ran down because Rin forgot her scarf.”

“Kayo-chin’s the best, nya!” Rin puffed.

Kotori smiled, leaning over. “We’ll try not to keep Rin for too long then.”

“No, don’t worry! I’m sure you’re all excited to see Umi-san again.”

“I’ll text you later, Kayo-chin!” Rin smiled, sticking her arms out in the window. Hanayo accepted the unwieldy hug as Kotori prepared to take off.

“Have a safe ride there!”

“Will do!” Honoka saluted.

“See you again, Koizumi-san!”

“Bye Kayo-chin!”

Rin waved out the window as Kotori slowly pulled the car away from Hanayo.

Koizumi-san was always so sweet. Kotori felt happy that forgetful Rin had someone looking out for her.

“Rin, is Nozomi-san meeting us at the airport?” Honoka asked, re-buckling her seatbelt.

“Nee-chan’s busy today, but she’s taking us all out to dinner tonight,” Rin said, muffled by her scarf as she peered down to find her own seatbelt buckle. “You guys should come too!”

Kotori saw Honoka about to accept the invitation enthusiastically out of the corner of her eyes as she made the turn out onto the main road.

“I think we should let you have some quality sister time for today. It’s Umi’s first day back, after all.”

Ignore Honoka’s crestfallen puppy stare, Kotori told herself. This was no time to crumble.

“Why not?” Rin smiled. “I think it’ll make Umi and Nozomi nee-chan really happy! We haven’t been able to see everybody in a long time.”

“Yeah, remember when all of us used to hang out at their house all the time?”

Now Kotori had a set of puppy eyes and kitten eyes on her. She didn’t even have to take her eyes off the road to know the force of adorable pleading attention on her at the moment.

“We really shouldn’t impose,” Kotori managed to say with her last bit of willpower and doubt. She’d already lost, really. The kind of warm, enveloping atmosphere that the Tojo household exuded when all three sisters were together was something that Kotori missed dearly.

“Kotori, please?”

“Nico-neechan’s gonna be there too!”

She glanced around quickly as she flicked on her blinker.

“If you’re sure it’ll be alright,” she relented, smiling as the two cheered halfway through her sentence.

“Yay!”

“Neechan’s gonna be so happy!”

Kotori laughed as they turned onto the freeway.

“Well, we’re only ten minutes away now.”

Honoka and Rin clasped hands over the gap in the front seats, squealing in excitement.

“Umi-dah!” they both shouted in unison, and Kotori could only laugh out of love.

\-------------------

_Snow falling outside. They’re huddled around the kotatsu, silences of studying suffocating them. Rin and Honoka’s concentration is rapidly failing, and Kotori’s not doing much better._

_Legs going numb with pins and needles, lower back cramping and sore. Rin breaks the silence by flopping onto Nozomi’s lap._

_Immediate reaction from Umi, too serious, too harsh._

_Nozomi’s studying for her entrance exams, you can’t interrupt her, how could you-_

_Nozomi wraps Rin in a protective embrace, tired smile silencing Umi like a heavy-hearted sigh. Fingers running through Rin’s hair, and Kotori’s jealous._

_We should take a break, the head of the household says, at once forgiving and thankful for Umi’s anxiety._

_A round of mugs filled with hot chocolate and love later, Kotori dares to lay her head into Umi’s lap as Nozomi lets out much needed giggles over Rin and Honoka’s antics._

\-----------------

Seeing Umi walk out of the gates was as much of a scene as Kotori had expected. The tall girl walked through the opaque sliding doors with a very large suitcase and a smaller one in tow, handbag slung over one shoulder, and Kotori’s heart stopped.

Rin and Honoka jumped the glass fence and ran full-speed at Umi, shouting loud enough to turn heads with security. Kotori hopped over to join them, smiling at Umi holding them both in a death grip via cheek pinch while they continued to try and nuzzle her.

“We are in an _airport_ \--” she scolded, and Kotori’s world filled up with the feeling of hearing the soft but firm alto of her voice.

Umi’s dark hair, which had been previously always kept down in a plain, neat manner, was now pulled up into a high ponytail, long bangs pushed to the side to create a sleeker look. The dark leather jacket fitted sharply over her broad shoulders, accentuating the crisp white collared shirt underneath.

Umi looked so much more… polished. Focused. Older. Kotori’s heart hammered in her chest. How could Umi have possibly gotten more attractive over the years?

“Umi…”

“Nee-chan…”

Umi pinched harder at their whining before letting them go, looking to Kotori with a tired smile.

A tired, beautiful smile. Umi’s smiles always reminded Kotori of morning walks through sunny forests, the sparkling of sunlight on small streams, and the smell of late spring rain.

The hand that reached to greet Kotori was still the poised but warm Umi Kotori always knew, and all her feelings came rushing back to her like a tidal wave breaking through the dam of three years of absence.

Love. Affection. Longing.

Pain and jealousy.

Honoka and Rin took advantage of Umi’s mercy to overwhelm her with hugs, Rin even hopping onto her sister’s back.

And as always, Kotori could not give wholehearted affection like they could. They were innocent, they loved their best friend, the older sister. They would never know how it felt to hold these awful, awful feelings that made Kotori guilty by existence. Don’t touch her, don’t overstep your boundaries, she always told herself. She wasn’t innocent. She wanted more, she felt more, and Umi didn’t know, she would never know, and to reach for her was a betrayal of her trust and--

“Come on now,” Kotori laughed, tugging lightly at the elbow of Honoka’s sleeve. There was no good in indulging in her anxieties. “Let’s help her with her bags.”

“I got this!” Rin said, stealing Umi’s handbag and grabbing the smaller suitcase. Honoka laughed and grabbed the other one, hauling it forward.

“Careful!” Umi stuttered, pulled along by Rin. “They’re heavy!”

“You’re talking to the--” Honoka huffed, obviously having bitten off more than she could chew. “National Women’s Kendo Champion!”

Kotori held onto the straps on the other side and pulled along. “Honoka, you’re gonna hurt yourself!”

“Really, all of you,” Umi protested, holding onto Rin’s hand for balance. “I’m fine, I can hold at least one of my own bags.”

“Nope,” Rin sang happily as they approached the elevators. “We’re gonna spoil you rotten today!”

“Mhm!” Honoka agreed, packing the luggage into the elevator as soon as the doors opened. Rin pulled Umi in and hugged her as Kotori pushed the button for the parking lot.

“Really,” Umi muttered, patting Rin’s head.

Her blushing was the same as ever. Kotori stared at the peachy flush under the elevator lights. Umi’s lips were slightly pushed out and her full brows drawn together like a confused puppy’s. Kotori wanted to push her bangs out of her face and poke her lightly on the nose.

It was strange how it was all coming back to her, despite the distance and the time. Like old bicycle wheels being pushed again after so many years. Creaky at first, but the same as ever after a moment. Every smile Umi gave planted a flower in Kotori’s heart, and every blush made it bloom. Every movement of her once-lanky, now-sleek limbs made waves of feeling in her gut splash around, like a half-full water bottle being swung from side to side.

It was awful and awful nostalgic and much too present and real. And as the elevator doors opened again, pulling Rin and Honoka off to the car, Kotori couldn’t help but laugh with the bursting love in her heart.

Later on the freeway, when Rin and Honoka had both fallen asleep in the back seat, burnt out from the early morning trip, Umi reached over modestly and lightly placed her hand on Kotori’s thigh; a huge show of affection from Umi, as far as Kotori could remember.

Kotori glanced over to a smile that made her grip the wheel with both hands and blink rapidly.

“I missed you,” Umi admitted, with so much sincerity that Kotori could feel her pulse fluttering away.

She took one hand off the wheel to hold Umi’s, squeezing with as much held back love as she could manage.

“I missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the second years. Did I mention how much I love how much they love each other? And I die for sisters!Lily White.
> 
> Is this going to be another shitty romantic plotline where nozoeli were lovers in a past life who can only remember it vaguely through dreams and are only finally being reunited now? Yes. Yes it is. Don't look at me.


End file.
